The Only Assumption Worth Making

Not long ago, I was part of a conversation where someone came across as very assertive. They were sharp, direct, and focused. Some people afterwards said they found the tone aggressive, even abusive.

But I saw it differently. To me, it was simply a working style – one person’s way of making sure things moved forward. There was no hidden attack, no malice. Just someone being themselves in the middle of busy work.

That moment stayed with me. Because it reminded me of something I’ve learned, sometimes the hard way: assumptions are dangerous.

We all do it. When someone doesn’t reply to our messages, we assume we’re being ignored. When feedback sounds blunt, we assume it’s personal. When a colleague speaks up strongly, we assume they’re against us.

But those stories we tell ourselves are rarely the truth.

Over the years, I’ve changed the way I approach this. If I’m going to make any assumption at all, it will only be this: assume people’s good intention.

That doesn’t mean being naïve or excusing bad behaviour. It means recognising that most people come to work wanting to do a good job, even if their style is different from ours. It means seeing silence not as rejection but as busyness. It means hearing directness not as hostility but as efficiency.

And here’s where the coaching perspective comes in.

When I work with people as a coach, I notice that once we strip away the assumptions, what remains is a space for genuine conversation. Instead of labelling someone “difficult” or “uncooperative,” we can ask: what do they care about? what are they trying to achieve? how can we align around our shared goal?

That shift – from judging to understanding, from assuming the worst to assuming good intent – unlocks collaboration. It lowers defensiveness. It helps people work with each other instead of against each other.

It also makes me more approachable. Because when people sense you won’t jump to conclusions, they feel safer to be honest, to bring their full selves, and to work through differences constructively.

So now, my guiding principle is simple:

• Don’t assume.
• If I must assume, assume good intention.
• And always validate through open conversation.

It sounds small, but it changes everything. It turns friction into curiosity. It turns misunderstanding into dialogue. And most importantly, it turns “me versus you” into “us, together.”

And if there’s one thing I’ve learned from both business and coaching, it’s this: when we stop wasting energy on false assumptions, we free up space to do the real work – building trust, moving forward, and making the business succeed.