Life is 10% What Happens to You, and 90% How You Respond

Life is 10% What Happens to You, and 90% How You Respond

Recently, a good friend shared how both she and another close friend had reached a point where life became overwhelming. Careers, marriage, parenting, health, money — everything was piling up. Eventually, they both sought professional help — just to breathe again, to function again.

And it hit me:
They’re not alone.
I’m not alone.
This is what middle age looks like for so many of us — a stage where everything seems to shift, often all at once.

The Weight of Middle Age

We don’t talk about it enough, but middle age can feel like an ambush. One moment you’re cruising through your 30s, and the next, life throws a series of plot twists:

  • Work becomes more demanding, but less forgiving.
  • Children need more than time — they need your emotional energy.
  • Relationships stretch, shift, or sometimes, snap.
  • Health issues appear — sometimes quietly, sometimes as a loud wake-up call.
  • Financial worries loom, even if you seem “settled” from the outside.

And suddenly, you’re gasping for air — like I have, more than once recently. I’ve had moments where I literally had to stop, close my laptop, and take deep breaths because the anxiety was overwhelming. That tightness in the chest, the racing mind, the sweaty palms… it’s real.

The 90% That Changes Everything

There’s a quote I keep returning to:

“Life is 10% what happens to you, and 90% how you respond to it.”

We can’t control everything that happens — and some of it is brutally unfair. But we do have power over our response: how we think, how we act, how we care for ourselves, and the small steps we take each day to move forward.

What happens is one thing. But how we interpret it, live with it — maybe even thrive through it — that’s where our strength lies.

Breaking From the Inside

Another metaphor I love goes like this:

“If an egg is broken by an outside force, life ends.
If broken by an inside force, life begins.”

Great things begin from within.

When it feels like we’re cracking — from stress, expectations, or change — maybe we’re not falling apart. Maybe we’re breaking open.

Breaking open to rebuild, reframe, reimagine.
To leave the comfort zone.
To say “enough,” and start designing a better life.
To choose courage over convenience.

How I’m Responding

I’m still figuring it out, but I’ve started focusing on what I can control — how I respond, how I stay grounded, and how I keep moving forward:

  • Working on myself. Shifting the focus to me — growing into who I’m meant to be.
  • Exercising regularly. Not just for fitness, but for clarity. That hour of sweat — and the hot shower after — does wonders.
  • Tidying my space. My physical “haven.” When it’s clear and calm, so am I.
  • Tackling small, delayed tasks. Every little completion brings closure and momentum.
  • Practicing patience. Not every day needs to be productive. I’m learning to ride the tide — high and low.
  • Staying hopeful. I trust that even detours have purpose. If I keep walking, I’ll get there.

This isn’t about perfect routines or major breakthroughs.
It’s about taking small steps, consistent steps — and slowly turning survival into growth.

To Anyone Else Going Through It…

If you’re in this season too, please remember:
You’re not alone.
You’re not broken.
You’re simply human — carrying an invisible load, just like so many others.

Give yourself permission to pause.
To breathe.
To ground yourself.
To take small, steady steps forward.

And when you’re ready, remind yourself:
Life is 10% what happens to you,
and 90% how you choose to respond.
That 90%? It’s yours to own.